On the subject of astrology

Have you ever stood on the edge of a conversation about astrology. Those astrology fans, they are blessed with marvellous recall. 12 Star signs. A dozen attributes per star sign. All the combinations of who should pair up with who, or shouldn't. That's 144 boxes with snog, marry or avoid written in them.

If you give them your birthday, they can instantly recall all of this. 1st of March? Pisces, indecisive, careless with footwear, pines for you if you pop out to make a sandwich. Snog Capricorns, marry Aquarius, avoid other Pisces. Disclaimer: I may have made this up.

They can go one step further, and tell you this for the star sign you would have if that 13th star sign hadn't got itself deprecated. It's called Ophuculus or something like that, spidery.

So, the only way to join the party is to make up stuff. Leo. Great at origami but tends to eat the results. Not had an original thought since they were 7. Always fancies Cancers.

If you're really brave, you might be able to bluff your way through with some-made up star signs. Caninus, the Dog. Only if you're born at 11:15 - 11:35 in the morning on May 28th. Disloyal in an ironic way. Don't ever pair up with Caecilius (the Senator, born on 29th February in a leap year, very at home in their garden).